There is a new television program here in Belgium that has beenslowly amassing the interest of the public. The title of the show is “Exotische Liefde”, translated as“Exotic Love”. It is about whatcouples go through in Long Distance Relationships (LDRs) and eventually, howthey meet, reunite…or are deceived.
Interestingly, there are several Filipina-Belgian couples inthe series (even a Filipino-Belgian homosexual couple). It is quite intriguing (especially forcouples like K and I) and most times, in the middle of each episode, we cannothelp but cringe.
Let me tell you why…
When I started dating my now husband, K, I was a bit…careful,let’s put it that way. I made surethat I dressed “conservatively” & “appropriately” whenever we went out backhome and that I didn’t wear anything too short or too revealing. I also consciously took it upon myselfnot wear make-up of any sort (not that I often do). Red lipstick and heavy make-up? Gasp! (No pun intended)
In short, I didn’t want to seem: “Slutty”. I figured there are enough South Parkjokes about Filipina prostitutes as well as prejudices in the outside world(and in my country too) that I refused to fuel them. Normally, I do not heed what other people might think of meor perceive me as despite the undeniable fact that in my country, what peoplesay or think about you is something that cannot easily be ignored…especiallywhen you are not directly confronted with it.
However, I would like to think that nobody we didn’t knowreally thought of me as a harlot or a gold-digger. Although, coming from a conservative country, I still madesure that the maximum show of affection in public was a holding of hands or an armover the other’s shoulder sort. Definintely, NO KISSING.
I believed that this time, it wasn’t just about me. It was something bigger thanmyself. This time, it was about metogether with all the other Filipinas who had foreign boyfriends. It was about proving to the world thattrue love can happen between a white boy and a brown girl…and it doesn’t necessarilyhave to be about exchange rates or VISUMs.
As we were watching an episode, there was this scene wherethe Filipina finally arrived in her “new” homeland and her loving husbandtogether with his family beamed with happiness; some even shed tears of joythat she had finally come to cold Belgium. He brought her to his house where he practically convertedhis cellar into a mini-grocery and told his wife that it was all for her andthat she could choose whatever she wanted. He was set on making her comfortable and happy.
There was, however, a scene (among several) that made me/uscringe—a bit. It was where he wasshowing her his living room and tv and he handed her the remote to give it atry and she asked a particularly interesting question: “Yu hab kaybol?” (Do youhave cable?) Errr…
But well, I would have to admit that I too had my moments. Maybe even worse!
When I first came to visit K, my plane had landed inAmsterdam. We spent the nightthere so we could explore the liberated city on my first day in Europe. At the lobby of our hotel, I found anenchanting painting on the wall. Itold K that it was beautiful. ThenI saw a metal object right below it. Recognizing it from a photo K sent me of his bedroom, I exclaimed thatit was exactly like what he had in his room and that it was quite lovely. I asked him what it was. Having been situated under a painting,I thought: Oh, it might be typical“European Art Nouveau”.
To my great embarrassment, K replied with a forced serioustone, “Umm…it’s a heater.”
In Belgium, I try to be at my best—most of the time anyway. Ifeel that I am not only representing myself, but I imagine a Philippine Flagfollowing me around all the time. Ialways think that I shouldn’t be the one to tarnish the reputation of myfellowmen and that I should not bring shame to my motherland. Cliché but true.
I would have to admit that I am not THAT in touch with theFilipino community here. I onlyhave a handful of Filipino friends but despite that, news still manages toreach me.
For example: TwoFilipinas engage in a shouting match in the middle of the street—inAntwerp! Which is 40mins away fromGhent. I knew about that.
A Filipino karaoke bar owner in our city got caught fordealing marijuana and was sentenced to 2 years in prison. I, of course, knew about that even ifit wasn’t in the news.
An au pair in Brussels ran away with her rich employer’sHermes bags and designer gowns. Iwas well informed about that, as well.
The reason we practically have a thousand Facebook friends isnot because we want to win a popularity contest. It’s because we love keeping ourselves abreast with eachother’s lives. Even if we haven’tseen each other in a long time. That’s Asians for you.
On a more sour note, worse news also manage to slitherthrough the Filipino grapevine:
A Filipina comes to Belgium to visit her online lover only tobe brought to his house, tied to the bed, and repeatedly and alternately rapedby the man and his son. Luckily,she was able to escape and was able to seek solace from somebody we know.
Or
A Filipina got involved in a fight with her boyfriend andended up being killed in one of the parks here.
Or
Another Filipina who came to Belgium and had such a traumaticexperience with her online boyfriend that she had to undergo psychiatrictreatment afterwards of which is completely shouldered by the Belgiangovernment.
It is a well known fact that the Philippines is not among therichest countries in the world, or even in Asia, in terms of monetarywealth. Our wealth lies in ournatural resources and in the hearts of our people. But sadly, that, more often than not, is not enough to putfood on our plates. That is thesad reality and we cannot blame other women (or men) for seeking “greener”pastures elsewhere, even if it means living in another country and learning tolove somebody they have never met in person…to the point of risking theirlives.
I know the show makes my husband uneasy because it makes himand all other Belgian men who unexpectedly fell head over heels in love with “exoticwomen” (and I wouldn’t blame them *wink*) prone to thedesperate-foreigner-seeking-exotic-wife stereotype and having colleagues alwaystalking about the show just makes it worse. And I feel sorry for him(snicker…just kidding!) but he knows, I know, and the people we know all knowbetter.
But one thing is for sure, we will continue watching theseries and we might continue cringing but hopefully also do some sighing (withrelief) because things turned out all right for da kopols…I mean, the couplesconcerned.
To see some excerpts of “Exotische Liefde” click here:
25secs (my favorite guy in the show coz he’s so sweet): http://www.vt4.be/videos/deze-week-exotische-liefde-4
5mins: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=285Q7DHpndM&feature=results_video&playnext=1&list=PLFFF8912555496961
The happy end:
The Overseas Filipino Wife 